Should We Have a Third Child?

September 30, 2014 - Picnic Time

It was a initial unequivocally comfortable day in April. Winter finally expelled New England from a icy grasp and inlet was set giveaway to bloom. Everything was new and a leaves were immature in their infancy, and people left their houses, looked around, and smiled while holding in low breaths of sheer spring.

My 6-year-old, Will, and we had usually attempted a palm during fish fishing, with no luck. But notwithstanding a 0 total per a fish count, we rewarded ourselves with a outing to a internal prohibited dog mount for footlongs and fries.

After fixation a order, Will bolted to a stadium while we sat during a cruise list watchful for a series to be called. we fast incited my conduct toward a sky and smiled, afterwards glanced toward my oldest who was already creation his approach opposite a gorilla bars. My aged center propagandize loomed in a credentials behind my son — an frightful juncture of new and old, past and present.

It dawned on me we were eating during a place we desired in my youth, in front of a propagandize MJ and we attended for 3 years. At 11 years aged we had already met my destiny wife, notwithstanding a fact that she’d pierce away, and I’d go 4 years though saying her. Then, 9 years ago, MJ and we gathering to that unequivocally propagandize during a snowstorm usually mins after we asked her to marry me. We danced together in a dull parking lot, sleet swirling around us and flickering in a headlights.

I was mislaid in thoughts of storms, tranquility, past, and benefaction when my phone rang. Fittingly enough, it was MJ.

“Perfect timing,” we said, skipping over a hello. “I was usually sitting during a prohibited dog mount with Will and looking during a center propagandize and meditative about us and everything…”

She cut me off before we could finish, and we could immediately tell she was in a panic.

“Come home now. I’M PREGNANT!”



It’s not like we hadn’t discussed carrying a third child. Those conversations started months before that day during a playground, roughly as shortly as we brought Sam home from a hospital. It’s usually … those discussions had never finished with any kind of organisation answer.

I consider if we forced her to answer, MJ would contend she wanted another baby. As for me, well… we had been truly torn. Did we wish a daughter? Yes. But did we unequivocally wish to go by a baby proviso again when I had such a tough time emotionally with Sam? Honestly, we didn’t consider so. Besides, we have terrible fitness with pregnancies, not to discuss carrying no room in a duplex (or a budget) for a third kid.

Also, 3 sounds like a lot.

I speak to relatives with 3 kids and they’re true adult harried. Not like normal primogenitor harried, though “tear your hair out holy crap we need 6 some-more hours in a day” kind of stressed. Three is a lot. Three’s company. Three is being forced to desert man-to-man invulnerability and go with zone. Simply put, 3 is scary.

So we had told MJ a law — we didn’t know how I’d conflict to a third child until we was indeed put in a situation.


My first, split-second greeting was shock. Pure shock. And fear.

We can’t means this baby. We weren’t perplexing for this baby. How a ruin did we even get profound when we have a condition that gives us roughly a 2 percent possibility of conceiving on a own though IVF? Where would a baby sleep? What would we ever do with a daughter? What a ruin will we ever do with 3 boys? And it was all done worse by a fact that my mother was in hysterics, we wasn’t with her and we had to keep it all together in front of Will.

I fast collected a food and my son, and we hopped in a automobile to conduct home. we upheld a center school, we remembered dancing in a snow, we saw my oldest in a rearview mirror, and we looked during a design on my phone of Sam.

And afterwards we destitute out laughing.

Not a hee-haw or a chuckle, mind you. we started swell shouting my donkey off. Uncontrollable bursts of robust delight customarily indifferent for my favorite comedies. Will was looking during me like we was nuts, though for a life of me we couldn’t stop. we was shouting so tough we started crying, nonetheless we was also wearing an ear to ear grin. As we pulled into a driveway, we laughed once some-more since we fast satisfied we had answered my possess question.


Our baby had a due date of Dec 25. A Christmas baby. Our gift.

We brought 9-month-old Sam to a OB appointment partly since we didn’t have a babysitter (because we didn’t tell anyone a news), though also as a good fitness attract — even if conjunction of us would acknowledge it. Because if you’re new to these parts, we’re well-versed in miscarriages and pregnancy loss. Four miscarriages in as many years. A medically required abortion due to a fetal monstrosity during 16 weeks. Not good.

Despite carrying dual pleasing boys and carrying been by a wringer, being in that room with a ultrasound tech didn’t get any easier.

MJ hopped on a list while Sam bounced on my knee. The grainy picture began to take concentration on a tiny shade as we hold Sam with one palm and took MJ’s in a other. Sam cooed and lifted his palm to a screen, reaching out in an try to hold it. His small cherubic fingers finally found a glass, and he started drumming during it.

Right during a blank where a flickering heartbeat should have been.


We’re fine. Really, we are.

I don’t know because or how we’ve mislaid 5 pregnancies in a 7 years we’ve been perplexing to have kids. But we know what? we don’t know how we became so sanctified to have a dual unimaginable boys who call me dad. A lot of people would contend we’re unlucky, though we’re not. If anything, we’re impossibly advantageous to have a life we do. To have a happy and healthy sons.

I don’t know if we’ll have another baby. That will many expected engage IVF and all a risks, effort, and intensity for beating and heartbreak that carries with it. But during a unequivocally least, we now have an answer to a question.

I’d be anxious to have another baby. As if there was unequivocally any other answer.

aaron gouevia

This square creatively seemed on The Daddy Files, that we can follow on Facebook.

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